nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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