I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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