I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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