Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
