I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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