dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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