i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
