Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
