so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
