I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
