hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
