how can u be prego again
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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