Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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