so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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