morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
