last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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