As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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