I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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