I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
how does that bad decision feel?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
