I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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