White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
