It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
