I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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