Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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