If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
