I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
