I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Holy shit dude........stairs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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