3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
