I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
