Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
