my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
