Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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