Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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