hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
