So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
