I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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