I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
