the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
