It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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