I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
