I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
