So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
