well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
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