Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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