On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
