I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
