I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i think i just lost a toe
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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