woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize