Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
