This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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