literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
