We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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