are you still at the devil's house?
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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