im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
