I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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