His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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