Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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